the college life...so far

So during the summer, I was soo excited to start college, meet new people, and all that fun stuff, but ever since I started, its not turning out what I thought it would be. I haven't gone to any parties, I didn't rush, and I never have the time to do extra curricular activities. I want to be involvled, but its not working cuz I never have the time. I never have enough time to rest. I mean its only the second week of school and I can't handle the load I'm taking on, not academically, but just everything. Balancing school, work, going home, seeing my friends, doing homework, going to the gym, planning my debut, which is in 2 months, and I still haven't fully settled into my room in orange. Everytime I come back home, I have stuff to take there, stuff to take back. Im still getting to know the area, and my way around. Ever since it all started, all of this stress and everything has been piling up.I've been trying to deal with it cuz I know it takes a while to get used to everything, but after today, I dont know if I can do it. I know I have to try, but god its so hard.

with school.....I hate that I don't dorm. I really really really wish that I did because it would make things SO SO SO much easier. I wouldn't have to wake up as early to get through traffic, it would make it easier to meet new people, make it easier to go to info meetings for clubs I'm interested in ( and I actually haven't been able to go to any, so much for being involved in school, I hope its not too late or anything) and I actually kinda feel really left out. I hate that I always worry whether or not I'll get a ticket for where I park, because I'm paranoid, and where the permits says I can park confuses me. I hate that everytime I go to class, I feel so unprepared and stupid. I hate that I didn't rush, because 1. I didn't have the time 2. Even if I got a bid, my mom would never go for it, I mean if she didn't wanna pay for dorming, why would she pay for a sorority? It seems so much easier with other people, I don't get it. I hate that I have to park next to middle earth while almost all of the few people I do know live in mesa. I hate that I have to carry around this big ugly backpack cuz its the only thing that will hold my laptop safely. I hate that my psych teacher teaches too fast, and even trying to type it all, its still too fast. and I hate how there are like a million couples around school holding hands walking to class ALREADY. I mean seriously, its only the 2nd week of school!

with work...I like working where I do, but I do feel like a couple of them don't like me. I have school monday-thursday and I usually work friday-monday. I am having trouble finding comfortable shoes to wear. I did just start working a week before school started so I'm still training, but I hate that I don't know everything yet. I don't like being new, but again, I just have to get used to it. And for some reason, I always freak out about being late, even though I most of the time do get there on time, I'm just paranoid about it. I'm trying to make a good impression on my co-workers. Overall, I'm glad I have that job, and its not hard, thank goodness. I think I only worry about it because its time-consuming, and its just another thing among a lot of others that I have to get used to. Its just that I'm kinda doing too much, not just work, thats just a part of it, but its all overwhelming me. which is probably why what happened today happened. and let me tell you, today sucked.

coming home...I do want to come home and see my friends and family, its just the drive getting there i hate. and trying to find time between school and work. I missed church on sunday, and its been a long time since i missed mass. when i do come home though, i do text my friends, and it sucks cuz when i can come here, theyre busy with the stuff they have to deal with, i mean its not like i want them to drop everything just because im in lakewood for the day, cuz they have their own responsiblities too, but the way it comes out, it seems like some of them don't even care that im there like...oh youre home? thats cool, but i have blah blah blah to do sorry! next time!....and it sucks cuz thats how it starts, you know? drifting apart. and i dont want that to happen. and i feel like i dont have anyone to turn to cuz everyone has their own shit to deal with. i feel bad that ciery comes home more than i do, and that i cant come home every weekend like i said i would cuz of work. ciery points that out too, but its not like i dont want to, its just hard to find the time to go there, sleep over, hang the next day, and when i do find time, its when everyones at work or school so i wouldnt even be able to spend time with them.

my birthday....my debut is in 2 months, and basically we haven't done anything but book the venue. the place only holds about 130 and 107 is already family and family friends so i can invite only about 30 of my friends and thats already kinda pushing it. 30? only 30? i have to consider my high school friends, elementary friends, and some college friends. I cant invite everyone i want to, but i don't want anyone to get butt-hurt cuz i didnt invite them to my birthday, and i have to figure out my candles treasures and roses between my big family and all my friends. and then we still have all the other party stuff to deal with. and im trying to go to the gym when i can because i do have some extra weight that i dont want at my debut, what ive been trying to do is to go before class on mondays then go to work after class, and go after class tuesday-thursday until the traffic is over. ill see how it works out. TWO MONTHS.

driving everywhere....i hate driving everywhere. everywhere i go, im in TRAFFIC. i hate traffic. fuck traffic. im basically in traffic 6 days a week. and i never get enough sleep. im always tired when im driving which is probably why i got into an accident today on my way to school. it was my damn fault. i was going too fast coming from the 22 going to the 55 (i was going like 55, but i should have slowed down changing freeways off the ramp) and i didnt stop in time, god, it was horrible. knowing it was my fault, there was 3 of us, i got the guys info but the girl was pacing around on her cellphone. i felt like a horrible person. i dont think im a bad driver, but today...jeez. i am a horrible person. i was really shakey and cried a little bit. this is making things so much harder. i didnt go to any of my classes today, missed a quiz, after the CHP took the report, i took the first exit and parked. after a little while, I just drove back to lakewood, by side streets. i dont wanna drive anymore. my car is at the shop for 2 weeks. i still have to go to school and work and home, and im gonna be driving the van. im scared cuz im used to my tiny car, and right now, im just scared of driving in general. all of this just makes me wanna give up. i need a break. at least from one part of it all. i think that could help. my hands are still shakey, and when my mom came home, she hugged me, and just started crying. i cant deal with all of this, but im gonna try. no one is just gonna magically makes this all disappear, its gonna be hard, i know it. but all i can do is bitch about it, and then keep going, till i do get used to juggling it all. cuz it has to get worse before it gets better, right?




*sidenote - i wonder if anyone actually reads this anyway, probably not. ha.

SPOP 2- coconut CUMBREakers!

*so i just looked at this after i published it, and i realized...it is HELLA HELLA long. haha i understand if you dont read it all =) its mostly about spop so i change the title from1st blog to just spop haha

Okay okay, so i actually haven't done this in a while, and i'm not really sure i'm gonna be good at it so please, just bear with me. I'm not too good at putting my thoughts into words, let alone into intricate sentences or parts. So don't count on feeling inspired or whatever after reading my blogs, well at least at first. Maybe after a while, my writing will get better, and more interesting. I'd like to come off smart, yet witty at the same time..lets see how this works out. haha

So what do we do on these things, just talk about our thoughts and feelings, yea? well over this summer, I've been having a blast, one of the best summers I've ever had with people I love. But I feel like its passing through very fast, and I cant get my thoughts straight, hopefully blogging will help. I feel like my head is just a fog, and I need to clear it up somehow. I guess this first blog will just be about random stuff about this summer/my thoughts/etc

So I actually created this blog after being inspired reading someone else's. I don't know if I can explain it very well, but just the way she wrote about her experiences, thoughts, etc. I can just imagine everything she was talking about, and it was kinda getting into her head, in a way, and see what she was feeling. I wanted to be able to do that , and share what I thought about everything, and maybe its a way to vent too. =) Cuz I'll be honest, there are some things about my life that I actually don't share with some of my best friends. I don't know why, I just, don't feel like they would understand it or something, I actually feel really bad saying this, but its true. But its not like I don't trust them, I mean I stand back and look at the big picture, and I know they would understand it or whatever, but a part of me doesn't want to share it. Its not that I keep things from just one friend, more like I'll tell one of my best friends something (to make this not so confusing, this will be called friend #1) and not tell another (friend #2) , but tell friend #2 something and not tell friend #1. I guess I base who I tell on their ..characteristics? That this one will understand better than that one. I dono, now that I'm writing this out, I'm pretty sure I sound like a sucky person. I notice I tend to keep things to myself when my friends are busy dealing with their stuff cuz I'm thinking I don't want to add on to their crap, you know? Gosh, I don't know, this wasn't even the point I was trying to get across. SEEE I told you I wasn't too good at this. haha anyways, moving on? I think we shall

SPOP- Coconut Cumbreakers, Coast to Coast

day 1
So, last weekend I went to orientation for uci, called spop. Going into it, I thought oh my god, this is retarded, why does it take two days for orientation, I don't want to go, this is gonna be boring, I don't know anyone, this is gonna suck, blah blah blah. But holy crap, was I completely wrong. It was seriously one of the best things I have done..maybe ever. Well I don't know about ever, but right now, it feels like it. For sure, its a real highlight of my summer. When I try to tell my friends about it, I get so excited, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, and the different parts of it I try to explain get all jumbled up in my head, and doesn't come out as exciting as I want them to. =p It was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had, they managed to fit so much into just two days. It felt like more of a retreat than an orientation. After coming out of it, I understood, it wasn't just an orientation, to register for classes, and to get to know the campus, but to also realize what you can do when you get there, and to meet and get to know the new amazing people that you'll be seeing around campus, and maybe even have classes with. When I first arrived, I did feel a bit awkward because I didn't know anyone there. I checked in, turned around and stood next to the stairs, and for a few minutes I tried convincing myself to just go up to a group of people, maybe even just one person, and introduce myself. Surely I wasn't the ONLY person there who didn't know anyone else. After chickening out, a girl approached me, and did the very thing I was trying to make myself do, she introduced herself, and we made a little small talk about majors, placement tests, dorming, etc. Her name was Brigit, and we went into the pacific ballroom together for the inroduction. I think I saw her one more time, at lunch, for like a sec. Everything was kinda boring, then lunch happened, and I met people from my hall...CUMBRE! I'm actually a very loud, talktative, outgoing person. I'm not afraid to talk to people, but I didn't really want to come off too strong, so I layed low at lunch. The first staffer I talked to was Marlyse, she was very nice, but her focus seemed to be on the shy boys that sat around me, so I made conversation with some girls that sat across the table. They were from norcal, and we had a nice little conversation, that somehow ended up about disneyland. haha I love disneyland. I think I brought that up quite a few times during spop to random people from my hall. lol, I'm retarded, leave me alone. After lunch, there was some more boring stuff, but once we got to our halls, the fun began. When I tried checking in, I went straight to the cumbre house, and the second staffer I met, Sam, tried to lead me to check-in for keys to my room. We ended up walking all over Mesa Court before he found out it was right where we started haha but it was really cool, because we had a nice little talk. =) Finally getting my key and checking in, I put my stuff in my room, and sat out in the common room where Sam was handing everyone out their name tags, and Kduh was making sure everyone filled out there emergency info. Once everyone was settled in, we played a little ice breaker game called the stick game..OK? haha we had to say our name w/ a little alliteration (ex. daring demi..oh snap!), our major, where we're from, and answer a little question (ranging from do you pee in the shower? aladin or lion king? superman or batman? whats your superpower? chicken or egg came first?) yesss all good fun, then we went outside to play a few dancing games..little suzie walker, and jigalow foo shooo!
It was so much fun, a few years ago, I wouldn't feel comfortable playing it, and I would be shy, but over time I kept pushing myself to participate in these types of things, and when it actually came to playing these games now, I was down to play =) I was proud of myself. *sidenote: if you're wondering why this is so detailed, its cuz over time, i know these details will be fuzy in my head, and I wanna make sure that when I come back to read this later, all the good feelings and memories will come back.* Anywho, so from now on all boring stuff is skipped, cuz this is getting too long already, and I still have a long way to go cuz spop was just that amazing. for sure. We played a game on the more serious side called cross the line, it opened my eyes to realize that the issues we hear about actually happens...to people around me even, I didn't really realize it before. After, we all went to cha across the street and some of us played taboo. Oh yea, sometime during all of this, out of all the cool people I met, 3 people stood out, michelle, riza, and kevin. My favorite norcal kids!! haha theyre trying to convince me that norcal is HELLA better than socal..right. haha Ok so I was sitting next to Michelle during taboo, her word was blow, and I thought to myself, okay, shes gonna say something about gum..but no, she says "sexual job" as her hint. haha it was so funny. Then we all started a game of little suzie walker and jigalow. Practiced our hall cheer (which freaking owned everyone elses for sure). I was happy when my little idea was added to it. =) Dance party on the top of the mesa parking sturcture=funn, except at the beginning trying to get others to dance. By this time, I was proud to shout out CUMBREAKERS for my hall. haha

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1-cumbreakers 1st meet: lunch 2- cumbreakers playing little suzie walker & jigalow 3- me, riza, michelle, kevin 4- cumbreakers after the dance party

Late Night/Early Mornin Fun
Coming back from the dance party, many of the spoppers (freshman) chose to sleep while a few amazing kids stayed up to play games and what not. The first game, I think it was called animal farm, was: pick a paper, whatever animal name was on it (mine was platypus), make that noise(i chose the noise"psyduck"), put on a pillow cover over your head, and try to find your mate. =) mine was right next to me(riza) haha. We separated into two teams for spolympics. our team was team: what is it? haha we couldnt think of one, so when the staffers asked us, alex said what is it? and I was like thats it. lol spolympics consisted of : -fashion show, -impersonate your staffers - proposals. So I noticed no one was really leading it, so I took charge for each game. for fashion show-, we didnt really have much to work with, so we made alex take off his shirt n wear my favorite hat, and kevin roll up his shirt, and the girls dressed and acted like boys. I'd like to say we won that round, but I'm not sure. Impersonating the staffers- I could only think of two staffers who had chracteristics we could easily imitate, sam and melody. haha I think we did very well that round. Kevin Phung did his little bit on Sam, and it was great and I tried to do my little bit for melody, and I think I did good. haha as long as they got it right? proposals- so by this time, I didn't think we'd be able to get anymore ideas out of anyone, but then i got the best idea...girl is getting married, in a nice church to the wrong guy, boy comes in just in time on the second story balcony, knocks on the window and declares his love.....shut up I'm corny, get over it. It was perfect though!! The halls had that second story type dealy in perfect view of the common room! I knew the idea was cheesy but god if a guy did that for me, it was freaking cute! I ran back to my room really quick to get a piece of paper, bryant got his markers, and we chose melody as our lucky lady. We wrote her name with hearts next to it, and I volunteered Alex to be the guy, he agreed. haha So alex hid upstairs, we gave him the signal downstairs to go, and he did the corny slow jog that you see in cheesy romance movies, slammed the paper with her name on it onto the window, and mouthed the words "marry me" to her. IT WAS CUTE!! haha pretty sure, we won that one. A few more spoppers went to sleep, and the rest of us started playing fishbowl. One of my questions was "who is your role model?" and I didnt think I'd be getting into anything personal, but I did. I talked about my cousin Janice. She died a few years ago, and was one of the most self-less people I have ever known. She always took care of me, and my cousins, she's the type of person that I want to become one day. I loved playing fishbowl, it helped me get to know my fellow spoppers and the staffers better. favorite question: whos cuter, sam or melody? haha I actually kept a handful of the fishbowl questions in my hat, I actually kept a few keepsakes from that weekend....fishbowl questions, one of the hearts they ripped during spop modern haha, my nametag, and some other stuff. =) We decided to crash another hall after a few rounds of fishbowl, by that time there were only 8 spoppers and 2 staffers left. We played ten fingers and fishbowl with sierra, and after melody told them a scary story, we quickly left them scared, went around the back of their hall and scared them through the window! it was awesome. haha We took a picture pretending to be animals in front of our hall before we headed inside and set up beds for ourselves around the common room. I claimed the couch of course. Melody got everyone into this conversation, i forgot what its called, life discussion?, idono basically just discussing different topics that we all have in life, to speak our different opinions/experiences/etc. the first topic was relationships, and damn, was i tired, i fell asleep during this conversation. I wish I hadn't though. It must have been a little passed 5am when i fell asleep.

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1- spoppers playing animal farm 2- our team's proposal w/ alex as frontman 3- fishbowl<3> 4- sierra mixerr 5- 4am animals 6- i'm pooped

day 2
Iwoke up at 745, got ready for breakfast at 8. After breakfast everyone went into the pacific ballroom for hall cheers. we owned. thanks. COCONUT CUMBREAKERS COAST TO COAST!!! yesssir.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=26159364879#/video/video.php?v=587712736861&oid=26159364879

*skip to talent show* The talent show was so freaking amazing. I use the word amazing too much, but in my vocab, if I use it the thing I use it for deserves nothing but the best praise, and for me, that word is: amazing. I loved that whenever one of our staffers was in an act we would put up our cumbreakers sign proudly. god, it was such a good feeling. Hall closing was good. Our staffers gave us their last minute advice and stuff, and we played the touch game, I was a little confused at first and got up when I wasn't supposed to..ooops. I did get it, and when the different things were said like "touch someone who made you laugh this weekend" "touch someone you could confide in" "touch someone you think would be a good staffer next year" it really made me feel good about myself and to know that these people that I just met a day ago thinks these things about me. To tell you the truth, I almost cried, but I held it back. lol

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1-boyband routine 2- call on me

Spop was such an amazing experience, and just talking about all of this is giving me this weird feeling throughout my body. I can't explain it, but I know its a good vibe or something. I have so much respect for all of my staffers, and all the other staffers, cuz I'm sure they were as great as mine...nahh ;) the cumbreaker staffers were the best fo sho. This experience has made me so excited to go to uci and start school, and participate and stuff!! I have a smile on my face just typing about it! haha But to end this extremely long first blog, there was one person throughout this whole thing that has really left an imprint on me. Out of all of the staffers, and all of them were great, don't get me wrong, I really looked up to Melody Cruz. I don't know why, but I kind of feel like she inspired me or something. She stood out for me out of all the awesome staffers, she was funny, sweet, she seemed like a leader among the other staffers, and she reminds me of the type of person that I want to be in college...involved, outgoing, funny, nice. and shes on a dance team, I mean I try to dance , but I'm not good haha. I guess you can say shes one of my role models now, I look up to her. I kinda got the vibe that she didn't like me tho, haha maybe its just me..but even if it wasn't I wouldn't blame her, cuz I think I can come off as a bit cocky and annoying sometimes. *don't worry guys, I'm trying to work on that.* Anyways, its all good, cuz its highly unlikely she'll read this anyway =)

coconut CUMBREaker staffers<3
(LtoR: melody, marlyse, robyn, lauren, sam, kduh, melyssa)


well this was wayyy longer than I expected it to be...first blog a success?? I don't know, for you maybe not, I tried to make it as entertaining as I could, I hope you could get how great an experience it was outta my blog. For me, I think it was successful, cuz I got some of the fog outta my head, and I feel good finally talking about spop in a kind of "organized" way instead of jumble. =) well, til next time guys, stay tuned!